just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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