i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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