Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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