R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
