I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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