you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
