my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
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