it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you inspire me to be a worse person
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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