when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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