We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
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I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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