I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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