btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the day after is always just damage control
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
