In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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