Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sorry about my life...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
