ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
