We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
