after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
