quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
