we're blogging at a bar
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
