Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
