i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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