just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Did I show you my penis last night?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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