i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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