yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
