no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Randomize
