I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
