There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
