Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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