very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just invented taco cereal.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
