I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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