So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
