My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
