i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
