Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
He felt like a one man threesome
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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