i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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