i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
