Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
