Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
