we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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