If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
