he puts the penis in happiness.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
