I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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