is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
