New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
