Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
