Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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