I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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