My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
