I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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