Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dude. I can hear the air.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
