***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Randomize
