I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
