is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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