New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Randomize
