I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
