Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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