girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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