Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
