My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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