Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
