Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
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It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
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I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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