Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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