She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
