just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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