he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
