So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he was CRYING into my vagina
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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