I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
