My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
