My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
